GH = Grasshopper
VA = Veteran Author
GH: Soooooo, I hear Bookbub is all the rage, but is that site even open to us indies, because I submitted my book once, and they didn’t want it.
VA: *loud belly laugh* You submitted ONCE? Mwahahahahahahaha!!!
GH: But they didn’t even tell me why they didn’t want it. The whole site is a stitch-up between the trads and the people who already sell well. Those people don’t even need it. Look at meeee. I’m down in the rankings and no one is seeing my book. It’s a conspiracy.
VA: OK, so let’s look at your book.
VA: Is your cover the best you can make it? Is it appropriate for the genre? Is is skilfully made?
GH: Well, it was made by a friend who has a design business–
VA: Book cover design?
GH: No, she designs business cards. But it’s all the same, isn’t it?
VA: No, it isn’t. The format is too wide, making the cover look odd. The type is far too small. The picture is OK, although the photoshop skills could be better, but it doesn’t represent the genre. Get another cover.
VA: Let’s look at your blurb. Is it short and snappy? Does it give a clear idea of what sort of story we’re going to get? Does it support the genre indicated by the cover?
GH: Well, I got my friend and her mother to review the book, so I copied those reviews into the blurb. I don’t want to give too much away about the story.
VA: Get rid of those reviews. They’re already in the review section. Don’t be too coy about what happens in the book. Lift a corner of the story and entice readers. Look at blurbs of successful authors.
VA: What about your sample? I see that you start the book with a dedication to your dog, a poem by another writer (do you have permission to use this?), a glossary of terms and a long prologue that’s a condensed history of the world. Get rid of those things, or at the very least move them elsewhere. The back of the book would be a good place.
GH: But why?
VA: They’re cluttering up your sample. People downloading the sample get hit with a wall of irrelevant stuff–
GH: But they need to know–
VA: Trust me, they don’t.
GH: Okay, but tell me, I asked why lowly indies like me never get featured on the big sites. What does that have to do with all this?
VA: Hear me out. What about your formatting? I see that your book uses HUGE indents and sometimes has empty lines for no reason.
GH: Formatting is the easy part. You just upload a Word file.
VA: That will work, if you have your Word file correctly formatted. You DON’T EVER use tabs for indents.
GH: You don’t? Really?
VA: Learn how to do it properly.
GH: Okaaayyyy, but I still don’t see–
VA: Reviews, how many do you have?
GH (sigh of relief): All right, you’re getting to the problem. It’s simply impossible to get reviews. And then you do giveaways and people will only review on goodreads, where the reviews are of no use to me. Everything is conspiring against new authors getting reviews.
VA: Nope. Reviews are a function of sales. Sell more books, and get more reviews.
GH: But they’re saying you need at least fifty to get into Bookbub! That’s impossible. Everything is stitched up by the older crowd.
VA (annoyed): Stop blaming other people for your failure.
GH: *blushes* Sorry.
VA: Because reviews are a function of sales, you must sell more books. Have you done all the things I mentioned earlier?
GH: I’m getting to it.
VA: OK, when you’ve done them, lower your book to 99c.
GH: WHAT? Do you know how much all this cost me? *faints*
VA: Do you want to do this or not?
GH (weakly): I guess…
VA: Lower your book to 99c for a week every month and run promotions on it. Start with the cheaper ones. Sell as many books as possible. Offer your book free to people who want to review. This will take a while.
GH: But! FIFTY reviews!
VA: They will come.
Six months later.
GH: OK I have 45 reviews, but it’s really slowed down a lot. Should I apply again?
VA: Yes, you should.
GH: What if they reject me?
VA: You apply again, as soon as you can. And again, and again. And again.
GH: But what if they never accept me?
VA: It happens. But by doing all the steps above, you’ve ensured that you may not even need it anymore. And above all, stop obsessing and keep writing.
GH: That’s what I most enjoy doing anyway.