Marketing: increasing your mailing list–be careful!

When you start selling books online, one of the first things that marketing peeps will tell you is that you will need a mailing list.

Even way back in the mid-90s when I sold non-fiction hard-copy books, I knew the value of a mailing list. I would buy second hand libraries of specialised non-fiction, send an email to the list (in the low hundreds) and sell half of the stock. It was magic!

Way back then, the list was accrued in a way that would be considered illegal now (but there was no CAN-SPAM and no one knew any better): by finding email addresses in the specific interest communities. At that time, those people appreciated getting the emails because the internet was opening up and they were delighted that someone sold the type of books they wanted.

Fast forward twenty years, and you have to be really careful with mailing lists.

Just how do you increase your list safely?

Organic signups

First and foremost, you should try to get as many organic signups as you can.

Organic means that people sign up after having read your book and they choose to part with their email address so that you can notify them when the next book is out.

For this, you put a live link to the signup page in the front and back of your book.

Why the front? Well, there are quite a few (really anal LOL) peeps who don’t like their books showing as partially read. You know how the books always contain a few pages of backmatter, including a sample and in order for the books to show “read” you have to page through all that just so your device can stop reminding you that you’re reading this book (which you’ve finished, stupid ereader!) and aaargh I may just have outed myself as one of those peeps.

If they’re still thinking about the book two days later and want to sign up, they don’t have to page through the whole book.

There is another was in which the front matter link can be beneficial. Click this link. It goes to Ambassador 1 on Amazon. Click on the cover and in the window that opens (the “look Inside”), scroll down. See the image? See the offer? Put the mouse over it. Click it.

Ta daaaa! A live link to my signup page on Amazon.

But! Why would I direct people away from buying a book for $2.99 to signing up? Because an address on my list is worth more to me than $2 from a single sale.

(P.S.I’m running a sale on this book and astonished Amazon has already changed the price LOL)

Competitions, giveaways and cross-promotions

This is a very powerful way of building a list and increasing your readership.

This method uses a single website that advertises a bunch of books, usually with a giveaway attached, and the authors of the books get a list of the email addresses of the entrants.

But first, let’s put a few oft-repeated objections out of their misery:

  • People only want to win the prize. Yup, some people do, that’s why you need to clean the list of non-openers once you start sending to them.
  • People are not interested in your genre. Sure, that’s why you need to clean the list of non-openers once you start sending to them.
  • Your open rate goes down. Probably, that’s why you need to clean the list of non-openers once you start sending to them.

See a pattern?

You need to maintain the list and delete inactive peeps.

Which you should also do for your regular list, by the way.

This you must understand about lists: there are two types:

  • a back-end list
  • a front-end list

The back-end list is a service to people who are already your readers. Organic signups are a back-end service.

A front-end list advertises your books to people not already familiar with them. This is what you do with competitions.

There is overlap. It’s quite astonishing if you ever do a survey of your list, how many people have not read all your books, despite having volunteered to be on a new releases list. Who are better people to advertise your books to than those who have already shown this level of interest in you?

Competitions are a GREAT way for advertising your books personally to people who are interested in your genre and interested in readers.

BUT!

Big but.

You need to be really selective in which giveaways to take part in.

I will tell you hands down the best method:

Go to Instafreebie. Sign up for the lowest level paid account. It’s $20 per month, but the first month is free. But seriously, this is the BEST money you will ever spend on advertising.

Put your first-in-series books up on the site, set up a giveaway for each, and make opt-ins required. Join your Mailchimp account to Instafreebie, or if you don’t have Mailchimp, get a free account with them and then use Zapier to automatically transfer the email addresses to whichever service you do use.

Then join one of the many Instafreebie promotion groups on Facebook.

I’m a big fan of this one:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/instafreebiepromos/

In this group, and others like it, authors will ask for fellow author peeps to take part in genre-based cross-promos. You sign up, the organiser sends you the information, and on the allocated dates, everyone kills the internet with it. The beauty about Instafreebie is that it will also advertise these promotions to their readers.

The giant pluses of this method:

  • The people who end up on your list are avid readers
  • It’s 100% author-run, so there are no businesses trying to make money off running promotions.

There are some commercial competition sites. I have used a good number of them. You have to be extremely careful with them, mainly because of the issue I mentioned at the top of the post: these days, we have CAN-SPAM laws and too many complaints can lead to your account being banned from your provider.

In terms of spam complaints, these are not many complaints at all. I’ve never had any issues, but I know people whose Mailchimp accounts have been shut down due to ONE badly-chosen promotion.

In terms of commercial promotions, I’ve not heard any bad stories about (although they may send you a lot of promotional emails advertising their promotions):

  • AuthorXP
  • RyanZee
  • Author Platform Rocket

There are likely to be other reputable services. There are some services out there where I’ve heard (or experienced) LOTS of bad stories about fouled-up lists. Some services copy old lists to artificially inflate the paying authors’ results. Some harvest addresses from other sites.

Do your research!

Or simply stick to author-run non-profit cross-promotions.

Marketing: tips to beat the sharks and save yourself a lot of heartache

As I’ve said before, once you become a self-published author, there are some who will view you as a walking wallet to be divested of as much money as possible.

There are a good number of reputable sources of advertising. Some will give you spectacular results, some are decent, some don’t work for your book. You need to experiment to see which are the most effective. At best, you make money, at worst you lose some money.

There are also the sharks. Quite different from the reputable advertisers which just don’t work for your book, the sharks can harm you substantially, even if they might also increase your sales.

How, if you’re only paying $10 for an ad on their platform?

Well, there is this section in the Amazon Terms Of Service:

Misuse of sales rank:

The best seller rank feature allows buyers to evaluate the popularity of a product. Any attempt to manipulate sales rank is prohibited. You may not solicit or knowingly accept fake or fraudulent orders, including placing orders for your own products. You may not provide compensation to buyers for purchasing your products or provide claim codes to buyers for the purpose of inflating sales rank. In addition, you may not make claims regarding a product’s best seller rank in the product detail page information, including the title and description.

If you’re paying $10 for an ad, most sites will put your book somewhere that you can see it. They send an email to their list or have a website or both. But if they don’t do this, if their answer to how they generate the sales is “blogs” or some mysterious thing you can’t see, then how do you know they’re not doing any of the above things that break the TOS?

Not an issue? See this story of the SFF Marketing Podcast’s Jeff Poole, whose book in KDP Select received page reads from fake accounts without his knowledge. Amazon states that checking out advertising service is the author’s responsibility. He did not use any ad sites, and spam accounts probably registered reads for his book in order to mask other activities. Because of this, he was able to restore his account. What if he had, unwittingly, paid for a service using tactics that don’t pass the TOS? Amazon loves the ban hammer, and it wields the weapon hard.

So, if you are looking at spending money on an advertiser’s or promoter’s site or project, any amount of money, but especially if it’s a fair bit of money, ask yourself the following questions:

1. How do they advertise, where is their site and can I sign up to see my own book being featured?
2. Did I google them and am I happy with what I found? Multiple reports of tardiness or poor customer service usually does not bode well.
3. Do they come across as professional in their correspondence with me? Big no-nos would be slagging off other promo sites, putting you on mailing lists you haven’t asked to be on and being overly defensive.
4. The biggie: if you’re going into collaborations, how good is their contract, in particular with regards to refunds. Don’t think you won’t need it. We all go into things in good faith, but shit happens, people get sick, stuff gets delayed and you want to make sure their contract covers all these eventualities. How do they list your responsibilities and theirs? Who owns the resulting work and for how long, and do they ask for tax documentation as they should? Do they give you a invoice and do you pay to a business name rather than a person? Are you paying into a Paypal business account? Those are all things that I’ve found out to be important.

Do a bit of research, and save yourself a lot of trouble in the long run.

Writing success: There are no shortcuts

Let’s repeat that: there are no shortcuts to writing success.

You will often see people recommending that when you want to sell well, you have to copy what the bestsellers do.

Yes, you do, but there is a genuine way and a misguided way to go about it.

Misguided? Well…

Bestsellers have books with lots of reviews, so people will do all sorts of things to get lots of reviews. Make no mistake, it’s not a bad thing to give out copies to your fans to get a few reviews immediately when the book is published. But large-scale review-gathering? What’s the point? The successful books got those reviews because they sold a lot, not the other way around.

Bestsellers may have quotes from reviews in the description. Sure, if you have a quote that looks good, use it, but if you have to put “Amazon reviewer” in your quote, then it looks a bit silly, doesn’t it? Again, those quotes came about because people read the book. If you pay for quotes or reviews (Kirkus!) then you probably end up looking a bit desperate if the book doesn’t sell.

Bestsellers may have (emphasis on may) have made bestseller lists. While publishers have gamed these lists for many years, gaming by self-published writers has reached epic proportions, which is why the NYT bestseller list has combined some categories, making it harder to get on those lists.

But why would you want to, if you haven’t actually written books that have anywhere near earned their place? If readers go to a page of a touted whatever-list-bestselling author and all they can see there are books that don’t look in the slightest like they could have earned that listing, what are they going to think? It just devalues the list, if readers actually took notice in the first place.

So what does matter?

When you look at the pages of successful writers, you will see either of these things:

  • One or two books that sell an insane number of copies a month
  • Lots of books, most of which sell a decent number of copies each month

All of them sell books that people want to read. They get reviews because those readers love the books, and the writers occasionally make lists because people buy the books when they’re on special.

Goosing reviews or bestseller lists is putting the cart before the horse.

Write books first, work on your craft, produce material regularly. The rest will follow by itself. Yes, it’s likely to take a while.

You can toss any amount of money at tricks that will make you look better, but ultimately it is about the books. People are not dumb. Social proof comes about because people read the books, not the other way around. Therefore, make your books the best and spend your energy on doing that.

There are no shortcuts. You can’t buy long-term, viable success.

Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear.

Writing: The two traps that will cost you sales

As I prepared to go to the gym this morning, I scrolled through my marketing podcasts to see which one to listen to.

It struck me that they were all one of two varieties.

Type 1:

How to write a novel in 5 days
How to write 24 novels a year
How to write 5000 words while you’re on the loo

Type 2:

If you don’t advertise on Youtube, you’re missing out
If you don’t do all these things on Facebook, you’re killing your sales
You have to have a profile on all these new social media sites

Titles are made up of course, but you can see the trends. The first type is all production. The belief that if you write yourself to death, you will sell better.

The second are all marketing, and subscribe to the belief that you have to do this endless list of stuff (ads, optimise your profiles everywhere, check them every month, be in all the groups, etc. etc.) or your sales will die.

I’m saying: both of these routes are a pretty good way to kill all your momentum.

If you go the production route, but never stop to think whether a book is going to be worth your time writing, and, once you’ve written it, never spend any effort marketing it, you’re leaving a lot of sales on the table.

If you go the highly-strung advertising route and spend hours optimising everything and driving people to your page, your mailing list or whatnot, you lose out big time when people arrive at that page and you don’t actually have a decent arsenal of chunky series with full-price novels that they can buy.

With very few exceptions, successful writers do some of both. Authors who don’t produce regular books but do well usually sell additional things like courses. Authors who don’t advertise rely on an audience they might have built elsewhere.

That said, I’ve seen enough of either type, all-production or all-advertising writers fall on their faces to believe strongly in a combination. Writing and advertising augment each other. If your sale slow down, advertise a bit. If your ads fall flat, write another book.

How to sell 11,000 books in less than 4 weeks

icefire-99c-special-fb

The title might be a little click-baity and just a tad misleading. I can’t tell you how to sell 11,000 books in four weeks, but seeing as that is what I’ve just done, I figured I’d have something to say about it.

My annual sales report for Oct 2015 to Sep 2016 mentions that in those 12 months, I sold 16.6k books. Then in the month of October I sold almost as much in just a single month. The 11k mentioned in the title was just one book. I sold other titles as well. In fact, the very point of selling the 11k books was to sell more different books.

So, what happened?

Well, I finished the Moonfire Trilogy and wanted to do an ad campaign to get more people into the series. I’d made book 1 99c for a while immediately after launch back in June and sold about 700 copies. But then I put the price back up so that I could concentrate on finishing the rest of the series (because refreshing sales dashboards is very distracting).

When that was done, I didn’t want to do another 99c promotion on the same book, but I did have something else. The Moonfire Trilogy is a sequel to the Icefire Trilogy. That series is now about four years old, and while it’s still selling, I felt I could play with it a bit. It also feeds into the Moonfire Trilogy. I spent a bit of time correcting some oopses I’d found, paid for another proofread, because there are always mistakes, always. I tizzed up the covers, and I put one very important line at the very end of the 900-page book: “The Moonfire Trilogy is set in the same world twenty years later. Click here to get the first book”.

Then I did something outrageous: I lowered the price for the entire trilogy to 99c. Then I applied for Bookbub. They said yes.

The ad ran on 8 October.

This happened:

screenshot-2016-10-09-16-08-37

And this:

screenshot-2016-10-09-15-50-48

And this:

screenshot-2016-10-09-15-42-47

I sold 3046 books on that day on Amazon, with another 1500 on other platforms. The Bookbub site gives an estimated number of sales of 2400 copies. I needed to sell 1500 to break even on the cost of the ad.

I was happy. I know from running my own promotions that sets of books always do better than single books, because obviously they’re a better deal.

So I was very happy.

I expected the book to quickly sink into my usual comfort zone: oblivion. This particular book sells a good bit on Kobo, but rarely sells at all on Amazon (people there tend to prefer the individual volumes). I had planned to leave it 99c until this upcoming weekend’s Science Fiction and Fantasy promotion and I hoped to ride a bit on the tail of the promotion. I thought I might sell another few hundred. I sold EIGHT THOUSAND.

The book didn’t sink back down. It stuck to a ranking of around 3000 in the Amazon US store and it’s pretty much still there when I’m writing this. And yesterday, this happened in Amazon UK:

screenshot-2016-11-03-09-06-49

I have NO idea why any of this happened, except to say a huge THANK YOU to all who bought it. It’s been a tad nuts, to be honest.

The ingredients to this success? Bookbub, no doubt, but to do so much better than their estimate? A good deal, lucky timing, and decent-sized community already familiar with your name. I’ve been featured by Bookbub seven times, so readers of Fantasy and SF will have seen my name a few times, and many more readers will have heard about my books from the SF/F promotions. That’s all I can think of.

The book will be featured in the SF/F promotion this week, and I’ve decided to keep it 99c until 21 November. Next week and the week after, a number of SFF promotion buddies will post to their mailing lists about it. It’s truly amazing to have such a great community.

Why vanity presses will never go away

With apologies to David Gaughran.

A year or two ago, an ex-colleague of my husband’s (he works as contractor in IT, changes jobs a LOT, so there is nothing dramatic about the ex bit) mentioned that he was writing a book. The book was historical fiction and he wanted to know how to publish it.

My husband passed him my email and I wrote him with some pointers about publishing and self-publishing.

Today, my husband met him. He’d published his book–with a vanity press.

Whywhywhywhywhywhy?

I can hear people cry.

Well…

The book he got is nicely designed. He received promotional materials, postcards and bookmarks. He didn’t have to shop for and negotiate with an editor. He didn’t need to figure out how to format an ebook, and buy software to do it.

He didn’t even need to open an Amazon account, or do all the tax stuff that’s related to it.

Likely, he paid thousands.

Could he have done it cheaper? Sure, but it would have cost him time. This is someone who has no interest in the business side of writing. Someone who has a really good job, I might add.

But what about the false hope these companies sell?

Well, he got a “launch package”. Not sure how much it cost, but he thinks it’s cool. He gets to invite his friends and be the centre of attention for a night, while he reads from the book and signs copies.

He’s hoping the book will take off on its own. Well, loads of people who self-publish believe that their books will take off, too. They didn’t pay thousands, but spent a lot of time on producing their books.

One way or the other, they’re unlikely to sell unless the author does the hard work. At the start, the author probably has unrealistic hopes.

My husband’s ex-colleague spoke to me, and I told him what I do. He chose to go with a vanity press, because what I do is a lot of work (like, a metric shit-tonne of work), and he had no time or wish to do it. He just wanted the book. He had no trouble paying (through the nose) for a one-stop shop.

That’s why there is a place for vanity presses. Of course it’s heartbreaking when people spend wads of money they can’t afford to lose, but really, how much do we need to protect people from their own stupidity anyway? Like, if you don’t have the money, don’t gamble with it in any shape or form. Some people really just want the book, want their hands held and don’t care about the money.

Why books don’t sell part II

A while ago, I wrote a post Why Don’t My Books Sell. It was originally written on this blog, but before I did the crash & burn to fix weird problems with this blog, I moved it to the “Self-publishing” section on my author site.

That post is all (well, mostly, at least) about the book. It’s about cover, branding, quality of storytelling.

But it is not uncommon to see books that defy all the advice in that post, which is pretty much conventional wisdom. The books that are full of formatting, spelling and grammar errors that DO sell really well. Or the books that are beautifully done but don’t sell at all.

If anything, the fact that both these things happen means that there is something else going on.

Luck.

Sometimes it is just that. The author came in at a right time, something caught the attention of readers and the book took off.

But let’s unpack “luck” a little.

If luck means you’ve got to be somewhere at the right time, it means that you’ve got to BE somewhere first. In other words, the more you try, the more luck you can catch.

The more you try, the better you get at it.

Audience.

Who are your readers and how much do they care about books that follow strict formulas, and story tropes and how much, indeed, do they care about spelling and grammar? (I can hear a whole library of writers shudder right now)

Marketing types will sometimes tell writers to imagine a typical reader and then to imagine where that reader hangs out.

The fact is that a lot of beginning writers have Absolutely No Freaking Clue about who they are writing for, how to reach those people and how to engage them.

A lot of writers bumble through the beginning of their career trying this or that before eventually figuring out that this sort of stuff is important.

Who are my readers? Well it’s different for each series, but the typical reader for the Ambassador books is male, over 40, has a tertiary education. He is a geek and if he has a partner, he is unlikely to have children. He may be gay. He is quite likely not to live in the US, although he might. He votes left.

Where does he hang out?

He goes to geek cons. He talks about these on Facebook, Twitter or Google+ He buys books mostly through word-of-mouth and promotion sites.*

Do you see a pattern emerging with what I’m doing with my promotions?

If you have no idea who your “average” reader is, then you don’t know where to find them.

So what about those books that are full of mistakes, poor craft and still sell like hotcakes?

I had an epiphany about these, because it always baffled the hell out of me. Invariably, these writers report that they do much better in Kindle Unlimited (Amazon’s subscription service) through page reads than through sales.

I heard someone mention on a podcast that he had bought his 12yo son a subscription (because at that age, the boy can’t buy his own books: no credit card) and he was tearing through books. At that age–sadly but true–many kids are also not going to care much about spelling.

So. Audience.

How much of that audience is yours?

If you just publish a book and have no way of letting people know that it’s out, then it’s going to sink pretty much no matter how good (or bad) it is. A lot of people who get “lucky” out of the gate brought their own audience. For example from a fan fiction site or they’re a podcast host who had been talking about a novel for a long time. Or they are well-known in a non-fiction field and everyone knows that they are writing a novel that encompasses the profession, hobby or discipline.

It takes a community to launch a book successfully.

* How do I know this? Well, it’s quite easy. You make an ad on Facebook for the book. You target broad, like the genre and a major writer in the genre. You see who clicks and run the breakdowns on age, country, gender. And when you correspond with readers, Facebook will often give you a quick rundown of their education, job, marital status and hobbies, if they choose to share it, and it’s amazing how many people do.

The Definition Of Success

I’m going to be bold and I’m going to call myself a successful writer.

No, I haven’t made a million in three months and I’m not dripping in money. But I’m consistently making more than goes out, I’m consistently increasing my readership and I’ve got the means to invest in future projects (audio, ahoy!) without having to dip into my own funds. Within a few years, I expect to be able to pay all of our household bills from writing.

In the light of people whose names we see emblazoned across news sites, the word success has become poisonous. A lot of people, especially those who just start out, equate success with those crazy stories of the writer who hit on some kind of nerve and sold millions.

And the thing is: they’re often just crazy stories. Those stories often have a couple of things in common:

  • The author has no idea how it happened
  • The author has no means of repeating the success, or structures in place to capture those readers
  • The author probably won’t be around for very long

Hey, if someone offered me millions for a flash success of a single book, I’d take it, but the trouble is: you can’t plan for it, this is not a healthy career, and it’s not a long-term plan for a sustainable income.

Moreover, while these stories attract a lot of news flies, I believe they are damaging to the new writer, because it conditions them to believe that hey, they can do this, too! Even if the writers themselves often say: I’m a fluke, don’t listen to me.

Those stories are also damaging because they raise utterly unrealistic expectations, and skew beginning writers’ perception of what success even looks like.

New writers who publish become disheartened when, hey, this kind of success doesn’t happen to them, while the reality is that the more you believe this will happen, the less likely it will.

You can’t plan a career around that definition of success.

You have to define your own success with much more realistic goalposts. Success need not be about income. It could be about regular publication, or about other metrics.

Define what you mean by success for you. Don’t let other people define your success for you.

Writing or Marketing?

If you poke around the internet, you will find posts by various wise writers exhorting you to spend x amount or proportion of your time marketing and the rest writing. Often it comes down to 80% writing and 20% marketing.

I think these sorts of enforced schedules miss a really important part of being a writer:

Marketing is not some evil thing that should be avoided at all cost, nor is it something that takes you away from writing, or something that needs to be rationed.

Marketing augments your writing. Marketing sells what you have already written, increasing the value obtained from your intellectual capital. Marketing can also help you decide what to write next: see what sells best, and then write more of that.

How much time do I spend doing either? However much is necessary. If I’m in the middle of an early draft of a book, I’ll spend next to no time marketing, but when I need to think about how plot threads fit together, I move to do more marketing, because most of it involves interacting with people and it takes your mind off thorny plotting problems, and that ironically helps you see the solutions that have been staring you in the face all the time.

A newbie writer’s guide to getting your first Bookbub ad (or other major advertising)

In conversation.

GH = Grasshopper
VA = Veteran Author

GH: Soooooo, I hear Bookbub is all the rage, but is that site even open to us indies, because I submitted my book once, and they didn’t want it.

VA: *loud belly laugh* You submitted ONCE? Mwahahahahahahaha!!!

GH: But they didn’t even tell me why they didn’t want it. The whole site is a stitch-up between the trads and the people who already sell well. Those people don’t even need it. Look at meeee. I’m down in the rankings and no one is seeing my book. It’s a conspiracy.

VA: OK, so let’s look at your book.

GH: *blushes*

VA: Is your cover the best you can make it? Is it appropriate for the genre? Is is skilfully made?

GH: Well, it was made by a friend who has a design business–

VA: Book cover design?

GH: No, she designs business cards. But it’s all the same, isn’t it?

VA: No, it isn’t. The format is too wide, making the cover look odd. The type is far too small. The picture is OK, although the photoshop skills could be better, but it doesn’t represent the genre. Get another cover.

GH: Okaaayyyy.

VA: Let’s look at your blurb. Is it short and snappy? Does it give a clear idea of what sort of story we’re going to get? Does it support the genre indicated by the cover?

GH: Well, I got my friend and her mother to review the book, so I copied those reviews into the blurb. I don’t want to give too much away about the story.

VA: Get rid of those reviews. They’re already in the review section. Don’t be too coy about what happens in the book. Lift a corner of the story and entice readers. Look at blurbs of successful authors.

GH: Okaaayyyyyyyy…..

VA: What about your sample? I see that you start the book with a dedication to your dog, a poem by another writer (do you have permission to use this?), a glossary of terms and a long prologue that’s a condensed history of the world. Get rid of those things, or at the very least move them elsewhere. The back of the book would be a good place.

GH: But why?

VA: They’re cluttering up your sample. People downloading the sample get hit with a wall of irrelevant stuff–

GH: But they need to know–

VA: Trust me, they don’t.

GH: Okay, but tell me, I asked why lowly indies like me never get featured on the big sites. What does that have to do with all this?

VA: Hear me out. What about your formatting? I see that your book uses HUGE indents and sometimes has empty lines for no reason.

GH: Formatting is the easy part. You just upload a Word file.

VA: That will work, if you have your Word file correctly formatted. You DON’T EVER use tabs for indents.

GH: You don’t? Really?

VA: Learn how to do it properly.

GH: Okaaayyyy, but I still don’t see–

VA: Reviews, how many do you have?

GH (sigh of relief): All right, you’re getting to the problem. It’s simply impossible to get reviews. And then you do giveaways and people will only review on goodreads, where the reviews are of no use to me. Everything is conspiring against new authors getting reviews.

VA: Nope. Reviews are a function of sales. Sell more books, and get more reviews.

GH: But they’re saying you need at least fifty to get into Bookbub! That’s impossible. Everything is stitched up by the older crowd.

VA (annoyed): Stop blaming other people for your failure.

GH: *blushes* Sorry.

VA: Because reviews are a function of sales, you must sell more books. Have you done all the things I mentioned earlier?

GH: I’m getting to it.

VA: OK, when you’ve done them, lower your book to 99c.

GH: WHAT? Do you know how much all this cost me? *faints*

VA: Do you want to do this or not?

GH (weakly): I guess…

VA: Lower your book to 99c for a week every month and run promotions on it. Start with the cheaper ones. Sell as many books as possible. Offer your book free to people who want to review. This will take a while.

GH: But! FIFTY reviews!

VA: They will come.

Six months later.

GH: OK I have 45 reviews, but it’s really slowed down a lot. Should I apply again?

VA: Yes, you should.

GH: What if they reject me?

VA: You apply again, as soon as you can. And again, and again. And again.

GH: But what if they never accept me?

VA: It happens. But by doing all the steps above, you’ve ensured that you may not even need it anymore. And above all, stop obsessing and keep writing.

GH: That’s what I most enjoy doing anyway.